TSA catfight: After the hiss, don’t you feel like clawing someone?

by Laura Townsend Elion

We all hate certain things about traveling, and security screenings have to be at the top of the list — after baggage fees.

A recent column about extra screenings got me thinking. You see, I once got the dreaded ‘SSSS’ code. Back then I was a novice and didn’t know what it meant (you’ve been selected for a more thorough examination). Your airline assigns the code according to secret TSA rules. There seems to be some sort of convaluted recipe responsible for determining who gets branded, but any one of the following seem to sweeten the odds:

• Paying cash for your ticket
• Buying a one-way ticket
• Having no luggage
• Having an itinerary with multiple stops
• Making last minute reservations
• Lacking an ID (don’t pack it after check-in)
• Using miles (just kidding!)

The cat’s hiss similarity was appropriate because after I was through, I felt like clawing someone. My bag was a mess, I had a number of clothing-like items to restore, and I almost missed my flight. I was also a bit dismayed to be groped by the female agent instead of the hunky male. (The searches would probably be more popular if you could choose who administers them).

Here are a few tips to help you become one of those ‘experienced travelers’:

1) Have your boarding pass and ID ready. (Children don’t need an ID, but older ones can hold their boarding pass).

2) Check your boarding pass for the “SSSS” code. If you get one, be prepared. (Everyone on the same reservation may be screened, although children under 12 are usually exempt).

3) Pack light – the less you bring, the less they have to look at.

4) Remove any coat or jacket.

5) Take your shoes off. Detachable gel shoe inserts are prohibited.

6) Keep luggage locks and zip ties off until you’ve cleared security.

7) Knives, nail clippers, martial arts items and even play swords (think Disney) are not allowed.

8) Lose the metal – skip the belt if possible, and limit zippers, snaps, rivets and other metallic accoutrements.

9) Forget the jewelry – anything other than precious metals will set off detectors (includes barrettes). And nobody wants to watch someone take off half-a-dozen piercings.

10) Wear shoes that slide on and off easily.

11) Leave out the liquids, or remember the 3-1-1 rule limiting each to less than 3 oz, in an appropriately-sized container, placed in a 1 qt. bag. (Medications, formula and some others exempt).

12) Fold everything neatly and pack it flat. This provides a clearer image on the screening machine.

13) Slide all neatly folded items (see #12) into large clear ziplock bags. Put any other items (toiletries, shoes, etc.) into bags. This allows agents to sift through luggage easily and prevents items from falling out.

14) Women - Ditch the undergarments with underwire and other metal! Consider wearing a leotard under your clothes that you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable standing around in publicly. (Because you can request privacy, but that takes longer!)

15) Been to the islands? Beverages with more than 70 percent alcohol are not permitted in carry-on or checked luggage, including 150 proof rum (bummer!) unless purchased beyond the security checkpoint (of your last flight, obviously).

16) Empty pockets BEFORE you get in line. Stow sunglasses, cellphones, keys, coins and other items in secure places anywhere except ON YOU.

17) Have a pacemaker or implanted medical device? Carry a Pacemaker Identification Card or doctor’s note.

18) DO NOT remove prosthetic devices (inc. hearing aids). Agents may need to touch them or perform an explosive trace test. You can request a private screening. A companion may accompany you (after they’re screened). Canes and crutches must be placed on the belt - if this impedes mobility, ask for assistance.

19) Service animals should stay with their owner. Inform the agent the animal is not a pet so proper consideration can be given. The agent will not touch your animal without permission.

20) Pets are allowed (if permitted by your airline) but must be removed from carriers.

21) Remember, anything carried on the plane must go through the screening device. This includes car seats and strollers that fit. Take your children out of them and fold the stroller if possible. If your gear won’t fit through the machine, inform an agent - it will be hand-screened. Remove loose items from strollers and place in a diaper bag or other carryon that can be placed on the belt.

22) Children should stay with a parent, agents cannot hold or carry them. All children capable of walking should go through the detector by themselves.

23) Laptops – new rules allow them to stay inside approved bags. Or, consider placing in a neoprene sleeve and laying flat in your carry-on. You can always remove it on the plane. Mark your computer distinctively – many laptops look alike and you want to pick up the right one.

24) Film – usually fine packed, the most sensitive types can be hand-screened, ask!

25) Wounded military vets – make arrangements with the TSA’s special program for screening our severely wounded military heroes.

26) Think hard about your apparel choices. Your fraternity brothers might think that “Legalize Weed’ shirt is hilarious, but the TSA? Not so much.

In the category of things you might want to know, but not ask:

• There is no limit on the amount of breast milk or formula carried when an infant or small child is traveling.

• Over the counter medications such as KY jelly and eye drops are not subject to the liquid/gel limitations.

• Yes, condoms in foil packages set off the metal detector.

• Diabetes supplies, including lancets, syringes, and insulin are not subject to the 3-1-1 rule or the sharp instruments ban. Likewise epipens and such for those with allergies. Inhalers are permitted.

• Gel-filled breast prostheses, shields, bra cups and the like are not subject to restrictions and may remain in place.

• Water, juice or liquid needed for an individual with a medical condition is exempt.

• Colostomy and ostomy bags will not be inspected.

• Cremated remains must be screened - the container must show contents when screened. Agents will not open containers, even if asked.

• If you are traveling under difficult circumstances (accompanying deceased remains, accompanying a terminally ill patient or traveling for surgery) inform the agent for special consideration.

Lastly, don’t make any jokes or wise comments. Now, or on the plane. And remember, that with a little cooperation, we’ll all be a little safer.